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Please Kill Me 


Pucker Up America - Your New Job is Coming!


That's right, don't lose heart, the new jobs are on their way. The current 5 to 1 job to seeker ratio will soon be history. That is as soon as you are ready.

Haven't retained for your next career? Good news you can reinvent yourself for a new economy job by the time you finish reading this tiding of joyful employment opportunities. There's just one new skill you're going to need.

Though it's true the “globalized economy,” euphemism for we can get it done cheaper with no regulations and more exploitation somewhere else, has made the traditional “American Middle Class” job history, fact is, there will be plenty of globalized jobs right here soon.

Allow me to hold your hand and walk you into your future:

Most information technology jobs, computer gigs that were to be our salvation, have gone to India for pennies on the dollar of U.S. labor costs. And, it's true, the few that remain here ask you to please learn how to speak Hindi. But Hindi is not the necessary skill for your next career currently unemployed IT worker.

Industrial farming with Monsanto's patented seeds and Round Up (trademarked, and they will sue me if I don't state that) have almost done-in the local farmer. Chicken, pig and cattle farming are also dominated by Big Agra brand names that call the shots. But we foresee burgeoning job opportunities in not just farming, but landscape and exterior maintenance.

But, as with all “globalized economy” employment, you will need to have this vital skill to land, and keep, soon to be coveted outdoor employment.

When last we left small local businesses, Mom & Pop shops if you will, they were being decimated by Big Box Stores. More recently, most have been finished off by the credit crunch.

Big Greed sold you these “category killer” stores designed to replace the convenience of local hardware stores, lumber yards, bakeries, pharmacies, restaurants, delicatessens, stationary stores, clothiers, etc. with the convenience of low priced (not anymore) ten miles drives, plus two more miles to the strip mall, plus three more miles to the outlet center, plus seven miles home again.

Being your own boss is now called freelancing, otherwise known as under-employment. You can get a franchise opportunity. That's where Big Corporations make you pay for a job under a contract to them. And, yes, especially here you'll need that important new skill.

Artisans have traditionally carved out a meager, but honest living with some dignity. Sorry, but you're not immune to the “globalized economy.” Here I include the fine arts, the performing arts, the culinary arts, the writers, the filmmakers, musicians, designers of all kinds, etcetera. These crafts will soon only be for the prodigy of the rich.

Move over aspiring whatever. Rich kids need fun things to do. Can your little chef owned cafe compete with Richard Branson's farm and restaurant extravaganza?

A career in film production? Maybe a below-the-line job, but I doubt it, there just too much fun on the set.

Musicians will all soon need to have a degree to show their pedigree, and I'm not talking about the music school, I'm talking social register.

It's nearly impossible in this age to make even a living in the entertainment businesses unless you have multimillion dollar backing. Getting any support job in these fields still will mean having the right skill.

Okay, health care reform was not, and the system still is a national disgrace leaving Big Pharma, Big Insurance and Big Hospital in charge. But there will be a ton of new jobs in this area. Watch for union busting, as they already have done to the M.D.'s. Don't worry, lower wages mean more jobs. But, without a certain unique skill you need not apply.

All honest work has value. And there will be plenty of honest jobs that can't be shipped overseas: store clerks, bank tellers, gas station attendants, corp pickers, grass cutters, firemen, truck drivers, police, teachers, etc. But as so many jobs sing bon voyage there are so many less to go around.

So, even if you have a job, you're going to need to refine this skill to keep it. If you don't have a job, get in line early and often. But either way employ the one must have, bottom line, indispensable skill: kissing ass.

There are a lot of dirty, stinking, rich, powerful asses out there. And, fortunately, for all of us they all shit about once or twice a day. This is steady work if ever there was.

Now, when you've done enough ass kissing for less and less and less reward, may I suggest you check back. I've been suggesting for a year now that we fight for jobs and opportunities that offer more than lip service. Political action has gotten us nowhere. It's time for our own form of economic sanctions.

We can do it, but it won't happen until you really want to get that earthy taste out of your mouth.



Let’s all welcome CorPersons to the human world!

As corporations evolve into humanoids – CorPersons – we must give these new friends and fellow earthlings equality.  For if we do not we will surely lose our own humanity.

Though it’s a legal fiction, in multiple ways, that U.S. corporations are people, I assure you this injustice can be remedied.

It should matter not in our treatment of CorPersons that there was never any court ruling or legislation bestowing upon corporations personhood.  See: Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad

So what, if a wayward remark in a headnote to a court case was seized by corporate interests to transform a myth into a “legal fact,” an “entity” into a living, breathing, conscious being, alive with feelings and vitality?  We must all rejoice at the birth of our illusory child.

On Thursday, January 21, 2010, the U.S. Supreme Court slapped the CorPerson on its fat butt, cut the umbilical cord and, the heir to a zillion-zillon dollar fortune, wailed with joy!  

So, I say, let’s keep going!  Howdy and welcome to the human world CorPersons!  God bless the child that’s got not only its own but everybody else’s.

In the spirit of taking things way too far, I suggest the following human attributes be bestowed upon the new humanoid immediately:

The Right to Pay Human Taxes:  Forget two tax rates.  With equality for CorPersons we only need one.  If people can’t take the deduction, neither can a CorPerson.  Cars, planes, meals, travel, supplies, equipment, raw materials, all taxable!  Depreciation deduction?  A thing of the past.  You’re human now ya’ big goofy conglomerate you!

Used with permission of the artist: M. Wuerker 

Election Laws:  CorPersons must obey all human person election laws, including individual campaign contribution limits.  No, sorry, real humans can’t afford TV ads so, it’s only fair you can’t do those.  It would be way over the limit.  But, here’s the good part:  CorPersons will be able to run for public office.  President Exxon/Mobil has a nice ring to it.

The Right to be Imprisoned:  Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.  If humans get time for the crime, so do CorPersons.  Stealing, cheating, perjury, fraud all crimes subject to jail terms.  While CorPersons are virtually incarcerated, all outside corporation activities desist.

Jury Duty:  CorPersons will have the honor, and the obligation, as citizens to serve as jurors – we can issue each CorPerson a driver’s license so they get called.  They need only send one human person, but the rest of the corporation may not continue operations while their representative is at the court house.  During breaks, the people who comprise the corporation can grab a bite to eat, read, have a smoke or walk around the block.  But, just like human jurors, they won’t be able to get anything important, like work or making a living, done.

The Draft:  If a military draft is instituted CorPersons over 18 years of age will be eligible.  Like their human counter parts, they will be put to work as the military commands.  Oil companies will become information technology providers.  Aircraft manufactures will be in scripted into the infantry, etcetera.  Manufacturing firms will…. Well, let’s just hope the war isn’t against China.

Bankruptcy:  Yes.  Underwater?  Behind on your payments to creditors?  Profitability in the dumper?  Can’t make the payroll?  We have courts where these matters are settled for human people and why not for CorPersons, even TBTF BankoCorPersons, as well?  Human people at the top of the CorPerson will need to act like other human people in business.  When times are bad, when things go wrong, human people at the top of the CorPerson get paid last or not at all!

The Right to Vote:  Each CorPerson should have suffrage and be allowed one vote in Federal, State, County and local jurisdictions wherein they were inCorPersonhooded upon the reaching voting age.  This will also get them called for jury duty.

And, finally…

The Right to Die:  As there is no physiological means of CorPerson death, every day all U.S. CorPersons will be subjected to the human equivalent of the grim reaper, an actuarial lottery to see if they are dead or alive.  Aggregate CorPerson life spans will not exceed human averages.  When their number’s up, their number is up, all operations must cease immediately.  Competitors, please feel free to dance on the coffin of a departed foe, but keep in mind, just like humans, your time will come too, and you never know when.

Can you think of more human attributions, the slings and arrows of being flesh and blood that CorPersons should endure?  Please, chime in!


If corporations are people...

If corporations are people, apply election campaign contribution limits…

Yes, this is too simple for the establishment to grasp, but I’ll put it out there anyway.

If corporations are people then they should be subject to the same election campaign contribution limits that human people citizens are subject to.

Here they are:

The following limits apply to contributions from individuals to candidates for all Federal offices.

•$2,400 per Election to a Federal candidate -- Each primary, runoff, and general election counts as a separate election.

•$30,400 per calendar year to a national party committee -- applies separately to a party's national committee, and House and Senate campaign committee.

•$10,000 per calendar year to state, district & local party committees

•$5,000 per calendar year to state, district & local party committee

Aggregate Total -- $115,500 per two-year election cycle as follows:

•$45,600 per two-year cycle to candidates

•$69,000 per two-year cycle to all national party committees and PACs

States should just apply the Federal limits.

Now, the first thing the complex, convoluted establishment system we now have will say is:  that this argument may not be considered because I ended the single sentence second paragraph with a preposition. 

Next, they will argue that corporations don’t get to vote so the limits should not apply.

And, finally, they will argue that buying media time, producing ads and otherwise flooding the communications channels is not a direct contribution to a candidate.

To all that I say: I’ll fix my grammar, give each corporation a single vote, and yes spending on media is a direct contribution to an election campaign.

Okay everyone, have at!  Tell me all the other reasons we can’t do this and I’ll respond with two words: Bull Crap!

We are now officially a Corporatocracy.  We better learn how to get our power back as people.  Start here:


Happy B'day to a finance major turned Teamster

Dear Marco,

Happy 24th Birthday.  I want you to know how proud I am of you!

You went to a good college.  You got a degree in Business and Finance.  The math and management skills you learned will always be useful one way or another.  I hope you will keep learning.  I hope you will apply what you learned to your benefit and the good of others.

You’re tall, handsome, fit, and you take good care of yourself.  Keep up the good work.

After college you worked with me at the restaurant.  I really appreciate that while you were in transition you helped me and your Uncle out.  I hope it was a good experience for you.  I watched as you learned to take pride in doing a job most would call menial.  I saw you struggle with what a difficult, complicated, skill-heavy job waiting on customers can be and you mastered it.

You learned how to deal with some difficult and demanding people, who had no right to treat you in a demeaning manner, but felt they did.  Most importantly, you managed to not take it personally and you kept your self-esteem.  Not an easy lesson to learn.  Bravo!

I bet you’re glad not to be waiting tables anymore!   I’m glad too, but don’t forget that all work has value.  Unfortunately, in America today, those who do some of the most trying and necessary work are not compensated justly.  Perhaps that is the lesson of these times.

Well, I really enjoyed working with you, my son.  And I’m happy you have moved on to a new, better opportunity.

Now, you’re working as civil servant and you’re a Teamster, fancy that.

Maybe this isn’t the perfect job for you.  I know it’s not anywhere near the salary you would like.  But, while you are at this job, building a career in these difficult economic times, I hope you will take continue to take pride in both your work and in being a Union Man.

Thinking of my son as a Union Man brings such a smile to my face, even if it’s a role you may someday retire. 

You know that I don’t believe labor unions are perfect, hell I don’t believe anything is perfect, but they are important.

Last night at dinner my ears perked-up when you told me that you were reading about the history of Teamsters.  There’s a colorful subject and an important one.  Labor unions began their current demise starting just prior to your birth.  It’s one of the reasons our country is not in the place it should be today. 

And yet, somehow, you can thank the labor union movement for the job you have today.  You, a college man with a degree in finance!  Isn’t life wonderful?

I remember talking on one of our many rides back and forth from my place in New Jersey to your home with you mom in New York.  I told you that capitalism was the best method yet invented to allocate resources to provide for everyone in society.  I also told you that democracy was the best system of government.  I still believe in both those ideas.

Unfortunately, what we have today is a hybrid call Corporatocracy.  Simply put, the wall between our economic system and our form of government has been lowered to the point where money and corporations now have control of our government, so we no longer have either democracy or free markets. 

Corporatocracy is its own animal.  Once in power this perversion cannot be defeated through democratic means as it has control of the very government.  It can only be eradicated by people willing to educate themselves as to what has oppressed them, make sacrifices, organize and take actions in the marketplace to regain their power as the ultimate arbiters of fairness and freedom.  Labor unions fought against oppressive fascism and kept it in check for many decades.

I’m proud you’re a Union Man, college boy.

Marco, I can’t tell you how to find happiness in your life despite the powerful forces that will always hold sway to a greater or lesser degree.

I’ll be pleased if you use me as a sounding board as important decisions come your way.  I’ll give advice if you ask for it, but I will not expect you to take it.  In fact, I would rather have you use your wonderful, kind mind to think through every challenge at each crossroads for yourself.

But, I do ask you to remember these axioms that are currently buried under a morass of moral decline grown from greed:

1)      All life affirming work has value, should be performed with pride, and deserves to be rewarded with compensation that provides for a decent living. 

2)      Democracy is the best system of governance, but your freedom and meaningful representation will be lost if you do not participate.

3)      Free market capitalism can work, but be aware that this is an unattainable ideal that needs governance.  Moneyed entities often pervert the market and, while masquerading as free markets participants, become criminal machinery that siphons a living wage from those who provide meaningful labors.

Why should you care?  What’s this got to do with your birthday? 

You were born of two families who were, and are, both business people and workers.  They both worked diligently to provide for their families and the people who worked for them.  As you have seen, there are forces at work today that threaten these same people. 

Don’t forget where you came from.  Whatever you do, do something you can be proud of, live a life that brings you sound sleep, have some fun, take care of those you love, and stay involved.  The world needs people like you, my son, especially now.  You are the right person and the right time.  You are the salt of the earth. 

On your birthday, give yourself a present.  Commit yourself to living a good life.

Love, Dad


We the People Must Punish Big Banking & Finance

Okay, let’s explain this to ourselves as if we’re five-year-olds. 

Churning money on Walls Street makes nothing of value. 

Printing money at the Fed feeds nobody. 

A corporate merger, in and of it self, is intrinsically worthless.

And, a bailout of a failed company or bank just punishes viable competitors.

Spin the money all you want, without the sweat of the worker or some other energy input it all grinds to a halt.

According to Paul Volcker, this is something Wall Street didn’t know.  Really?!? 

Mr. & Mrs. America, your money and jobs are going, going... gone.  So, what are you going to do now?  More importantly, what will your children do in General Electric’s Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow?

We need to force change.  Not slogan change, real change.  Read no further if you like the fairytale of the politicians making everything better.

First, please raise your hand if, by now, you don’t realize that collateralize debt swaps and obligations, and other “sophisticated” (Ha!) derivatives, are nothing more than subterfuges for the Biggest Con every perpetrated, a masterpiece that continues today unabated.

No hands?  Just you over there at Goldman Sachs?  We don’t need or want you. 

Second, digest this:  There is no free lunch in the absolute worlds of physics, economics and politics.  You get what you put in.  That’s right, there’s no such thing as a perpetual motion machine, a wind-up Obama that produces change without an ounce of fuel.

Is it the Internet’s virtual world that has somehow convinced us that words are enough to get us what we want?

Yes, it was easy to be seduced by election narrative of the new transformative leader.  But, now is the time to grow up, dear parents. 

Bitching and moaning on websites – this piece included – is nothing compared to forces so powerful they can put the fix in for their con with nearly agency in Washington, DC.

 Do we still think we’re going to get fair healthcare reform by calling our congress people?  A few hands?  You over there, still wearing the Yes We Can t-shirt, you’re not excused.  Listen up.

You want change?  Okay, sign petitions, write the letters, make the phone calls, send the emails, bitch and moan online, but don’t expect any of that to work unless…

You’re also willing to vote with your feet and deny our corrupted system of the money and, therefore, the power that enables our abuse.   

Here’s a swift, legal, crafty action you can take today, tomorrow and forever until we get change.

Deny Big Banking an important revenue stream by eschewing their, oh so easy and convenient, payment system of credit and debit cards.  Instead, opt for the more cumbersome payment method called Cash.

 If you haven’t heard about this yet you are forgiven.  It’s new and taking subversive market action is not yet in the lexicon of virtual world protests.  Visit: to learn more.

 Short story, just by using more cash and less plastic, en masse, we can deny Big Banking & Finance billions of dollars a year.  And, if the movement gets big enough, it will send a message to all those who derive their funding and power on the backs of workers and citizens. 

By using more and more cash, we can send a clear and punitive message.  If the system refuses to administer justice, then we the people must.

If the system won’t punish Wall Street, the Federal Reserve and the now way, way too big to fail banks, it’s our job.

Yes, to do this we must suffer some small inconveniences.  If we’re not willing to be inconvenienced, we do not deserve meaningful change.

So, I challenge you to make this work.  Use more Cash starting now to punish Big Banking and Finance.  I also challenge the Huffington Post, Alternet, Truthdig, OpEd News, etcetera to get the word out. 

Get behind Use Cash as a first, significant action of innovative market based protest of the new century.  Please, come up with similar actions we can take against other corporate transgressors, like the healthcare insurance companies and the government that keeps sending our jobs overseas.

If we are not capable of this, we do not deserve change.  If we can not take direct actions like Use Cash, what will we tell our children?  That we did a lot of bitching and moaning online and it didn’t work?