Non Compete

As I lay me down to work,

I pray to be the bestest clerk:

“I, under totally voluntary binding contractual duress,

do hereby give-up my right to make a living with my primary skills,

which were honed through years of expensive education,

off-hours training, and hundreds of hours at minimum or entry level wages,

anywhere else save for you Big Greed,

where I am currently employed or will be employed, for an unreasonable period of time,

as defined by those who employee the majority of the industrialized world,

for five or ten years without a paycheck, that should do it,

since you don't want me competing with you Big Greed.

As I take total responsibility for my life and livelihood,

I promise to give two weeks notice,

or however long it takes to train my replacement, here or abroad,

should I find some other way to afford food and shelter,

or should I become expendable, useless, or less than entertaining to you,

my present employer, big greed.

And, I agree to be escorted out of the building by armed guards

like a criminal,

with no notice what-so-ever,

because them’s the rules,

so help me God

I need a job.

All my love to you Big Greed."