Pucker Up America - Your New Job is Coming!

That's right, don't lose heart, the new jobs are on their way. The current 5 to 1 job to seeker ratio will soon be history. That is as soon as you are ready.

Haven't retained for your next career? Good news you can reinvent yourself for a new economy job by the time you finish reading this tiding of joyful employment opportunities. There's just one new skill you're going to need.

Though it's true the “globalized economy,” euphemism for we can get it done cheaper with no regulations and more exploitation somewhere else, has made the traditional “American Middle Class” job history, fact is, there will be plenty of globalized jobs right here soon.

Allow me to hold your hand and walk you into your future:

Most information technology jobs, computer gigs that were to be our salvation, have gone to India for pennies on the dollar of U.S. labor costs. And, it's true, the few that remain here ask you to please learn how to speak Hindi. But Hindi is not the necessary skill for your next career currently unemployed IT worker.

Industrial farming with Monsanto's patented seeds and Round Up (trademarked, and they will sue me if I don't state that) have almost done-in the local farmer. Chicken, pig and cattle farming are also dominated by Big Agra brand names that call the shots. But we foresee burgeoning job opportunities in not just farming, but landscape and exterior maintenance.

But, as with all “globalized economy” employment, you will need to have this vital skill to land, and keep, soon to be coveted outdoor employment.

When last we left small local businesses, Mom & Pop shops if you will, they were being decimated by Big Box Stores. More recently, most have been finished off by the credit crunch.

Big Greed sold you these “category killer” stores designed to replace the convenience of local hardware stores, lumber yards, bakeries, pharmacies, restaurants, delicatessens, stationary stores, clothiers, etc. with the convenience of low priced (not anymore) ten miles drives, plus two more miles to the strip mall, plus three more miles to the outlet center, plus seven miles home again.

Being your own boss is now called freelancing, otherwise known as under-employment. You can get a franchise opportunity. That's where Big Corporations make you pay for a job under a contract to them. And, yes, especially here you'll need that important new skill.

Artisans have traditionally carved out a meager, but honest living with some dignity. Sorry, but you're not immune to the “globalized economy.” Here I include the fine arts, the performing arts, the culinary arts, the writers, the filmmakers, musicians, designers of all kinds, etcetera. These crafts will soon only be for the prodigy of the rich.

Move over aspiring whatever. Rich kids need fun things to do. Can your little chef owned cafe compete with Richard Branson's farm and restaurant extravaganza?

A career in film production? Maybe a below-the-line job, but I doubt it, there just too much fun on the set.

Musicians will all soon need to have a degree to show their pedigree, and I'm not talking about the music school, I'm talking social register.

It's nearly impossible in this age to make even a living in the entertainment businesses unless you have multimillion dollar backing. Getting any support job in these fields still will mean having the right skill.

Okay, health care reform was not, and the system still is a national disgrace leaving Big Pharma, Big Insurance and Big Hospital in charge. But there will be a ton of new jobs in this area. Watch for union busting, as they already have done to the M.D.'s. Don't worry, lower wages mean more jobs. But, without a certain unique skill you need not apply.

All honest work has value. And there will be plenty of honest jobs that can't be shipped overseas: store clerks, bank tellers, gas station attendants, corp pickers, grass cutters, firemen, truck drivers, police, teachers, etc. But as so many jobs sing bon voyage there are so many less to go around.

So, even if you have a job, you're going to need to refine this skill to keep it. If you don't have a job, get in line early and often. But either way employ the one must have, bottom line, indispensable skill: kissing ass.

There are a lot of dirty, stinking, rich, powerful asses out there. And, fortunately, for all of us they all shit about once or twice a day. This is steady work if ever there was.

Now, when you've done enough ass kissing for less and less and less reward, may I suggest you check back. I've been suggesting for a year now that we fight for jobs and opportunities that offer more than lip service. Political action has gotten us nowhere. It's time for our own form of economic sanctions.

We can do it, but it won't happen until you really want to get that earthy taste out of your mouth.